I understand...
"I want the marriage I thought I was getting." I understand-- but you aren't going to get it from this man. Ever. YOU KNOW THIS.
"Should I go ahead and file? I can file contested where he simply gets served papers. Is there any point in waiting...given he wants nothing to do with me?" Yes you should. There is no point in waiting and you know it TOO.
"If I continue to wait, I hold myself back from living my own life..." Yes, you are. You are holding yourself back, and it may be holding back the girls too, not to mention what they are witnessing.
"... but I also feel a bit chapped that I will be giving him exactly what he wants, more ammunition to blame me with. For example, "Well YOU are the one who divorced ME" said with a sneer and dripping with contempt. I can see it now." Good God, so the **** what? It doesn't matter who "wins." There are no winners here. Cut your losses, thank God you've got two great gals, your own house, and the rest of your **** together and move on with what can be an amazing life in Alaska.
"How do I remove myself from this power struggle as cleanly and painlessly as possible? Thoughts? Suggestions?" File the papers and go through with the divorce no matter what.
God I wish I didn't think so highly of you. I've really had to hold back. There are about twenty Good Gods that went untyped.
Cyranoak