tjp613

I am so sorry you have this situation to deal with. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I've been through similar things with both my teens, so I know the anguish you are feeling.

It's not a matter of "staying strong" ... it's a matter of taking charge of YOUR life and living it the way YOU choose. You cannot control anything about her and her choices, you can ONLY control the consequences. Get this through your head.

My advice is that you take some drastic action to show her you mean business. As others have suggested, this should include shutting off her cell phone, internet access, etc., and most certainly all driving privileges in any car bearing your name on the title should be immediately suspended. She can earn these things back by staying sober. If she violates the law about under-age drinking after that, then she is completely on her own. After all, as you say, she is an "adult".

I really don't see any other solution, do you?

Have you thought ahead to your response when she is arrested for a DUI or underage drinking? Will you hire an atty and bail her out of jail? The day is coming.

You've been asking for help since the early spring. Every thread has the repeated suggestion to attend Alanon. I would also suggest counseling for you and your husband with an addiction specialist...someone who can support you in defining and defending strong boundaries.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Something drastic has to take place if you hope to have any influence in this situation, otherwise the dynamic will not change one iota.

I wish you all the best.

PS - edited to add that you would probably do well to read Under the Influence