It's an obsession. I talk myself in and out of it. Right now I'm trying to remind myself that I can't live a balanced life and wake up realizing I'd spent 8 straight hours inebriating myself before bed the night before. And how many hundreds or thousands of evenings have to go by where I don't "control" what I drink? All of those days have added into huge chunks of time- I'm scared to think of how many YEARS I've lived, making decisions, relating with others, messed up, hung over. I've never "controlled" it. I've either waited until it was socially acceptable to get wasted, taken off alone, or stewed quietly inside. What a fun bunch of years it's been...