Of course it's normal to want to see him. If you are going to see him, however, I suggest doing it in a public place. If he must come to your home to pick stuff up, have someone else there. Get it over quickly, then shut the door on that part of your life. It's hard, I know, because no one can predict the future, or even tomorrow. But your odds of having the life you really want -- one with healthy positive people who support rather tear you down -- increase dramatically.