Originally Posted by
GettingBy 
Hey there Putme...
I've been kind of off the radar lately so I missed your post from last week. Sounds to me like you need to take your marriage, put it in a little "god box" and let it sit for a while. Just let it go for today. You don't need to figure it all out tonight, or even tomorrow.
What you do need to do... is get your focus where it belongs - and that's on you and taking care of YOU. Give yourself some space from your AH. If you can't physically get away, at least stop engaging in those conversations that are too raw and damaging right now. I'm not saying that you stay married... I'm saying give yourself some time. Be patient with yourself and more will be revealed.
This is great advice. I put my marriage in a box - literally - everything, photos, letters, cards, rings...put it in a box in my nightstand for some other time. Now, I focus on me. He gets to have the space to focus on him. We no longer have those knock-down drag-out weekend long fight sessions. I now know not to engage. And it helps to have my own house to go to.
My RAH can't handle marriage right now. But he also doesn't want to let it go. Ok. Right now, he can have both. We stay married, but we live separately and focus on our own recoveries. We learn new tools for living and put those into practice. I have found my own version of detachment with love and it is really helping. You don't have to end the marriage to get some space to clear your head. Once I was able to grasp that, it made leaving much easier.
Patience - not my strong suit but most important in situations like this.