Hi pigtails
Try and not get too far down the road...from what I'm reading here, a lot of your concerns about AA and recovery seem to be things that might happen.
I spent a little time thinking about not drinking. I think that's normal. It's the flip side of thinking about drinking....
but most of us I think get over that initial phase and then move on to rebuilding our lives as sober folk - my focus hasn't been on drinking, or not drinking, for a long time - anymore than my daily focus is on breathing
I think a lot of us wanted to drink like a normal person - and I know personally that dream dies hard.
But I've gotten some amazing gifts out of the simple acceptance that alcohol has no place in my life. When I look at what I've gained now, not drinking is no real 'loss' to me
D