Sunshine, I understand what you living. I just got to the point where I realized I was all by myself even when he was sitting right next to me. Communication isn't real, they deny they said something, or don't remember ever having the conversation. It all takes a toll, and all your efforts become fruitless.
I actually joined a book club at our local library, and experienced the most sober, intellectual conversation. It was so very refreshing to talk to someone normal. Someone whose judgement is not clouded, and distorted by alcohol.
Do you really want to have children with this man? A parents job is to love and nurture a child. I am certain someone who is impaired by the booze cannot do that, therefore it will on fall on you, and of course more resentment grows.
Save yourself. Love you, good things are ahead. It's all about the choices we make. take care of you.