Yes I had that trouble. For me I had to quit looking to him for any kind of input. It was a switch because for many years he was the only person that I confided in, bounced ideas from, I accepted his input for years, he was the person I discussed these types of things with. It was hard but he no longer had my best interests in mind and he no longer thought clearly (maybe never did) because he was an alcoholic. This was a disadvantage to me but an advantage to him because he new me very well, new all my insecurities, and new exactly where to aim. Reminding myself of that ticked me off and that made it a little easier too. I limited contact to email and that also helped. If he said something that I was struggling with more then usual I posted it here and SR came through and helped me see the projection, manipulation, whatever. The counselor helped too.
I also quit listening to the words and looked at the actions. This was a little easier for me. I repeated this quote constantly "What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say." by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Things became clear fast by looking at what he did, not what he said.