(((((LunaKim)))))
Please start reading around the forum and see where this will lead.
I do not normally tell folks what to do, I'm sure most of the members will agree, HOWEVER, in this instance I am going to break my own rule.
I am about to be 66 years old, I have 30 years continuous sobriety and 27 years working real hard on my co-dependencies issues and usually doing a pretty darn good job of it. When I read your post I literally started to shake.
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.
The heck with what people think. Please, walk away. Even if he started recovery today and stuck with it, it would be several years before you saw the person he really is.
There is a saying in AA, has been around a lot longer than I have been sober:
"WE ALCOHOLICS DO NOT HAVE RELATIONSHIPS, WE TAKE HOSTAGES."
You know that is truer today than it was 30 years ago. I see it over and over and over.
My family (husband, parents, sister and brother in law) closed the door on me when I was 33 1/2 years old and said:
"NO MORE, ENOUGH. This is YOUR PROBLEM and you have to fix it. If you call, we will hang up, if you come to the door, it will be shut in your face, and if you attempt to steal from us, we will call the police."
and they meant it and stuck to it. It took me another 2 1/2 years to find recovery, the last 1 and 1/2 years living on the streets of Hollywood. Even after I found recovery it took me another 2 years at least to be able to interact with others in a civilized manner.
Your finance is not near ready to give up his "friend, lover, mistress, and Master."
Is this what you want to get into? Read the threads of others here and ask yourself is this really what you want for you and your future children? You do not even know who this man 'really' is. All you see is the facade of his false reality produced by alcohol and/or drugs.
I will say it again, and I usually do not tell folks what to do, however, I am really concerned for you.
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.
I apologize for being so blunt as over the years I have learned some tact, but your situation is really upsetting to me and I am sure to others.
I would like to save you the He!! and Heartache that many of us have endured and gone through.
J M H O
Praying for you.
Love and hugs,