Wow, a codie relapse at it's finest. Where is your toolbox? If you need a refreasher coarse on how to use the tools, head to Alanon.
You are trying to control him, you are sticking your nose into his business, this does not make for a healthy relationship and will effect your son in an adverse way.
If it takes going NC again for you to hop back on the recovery train, that is what I would do.
Keep posting, we are here to support you.