Alone22-all of us have felt, are feeling or will be feeling what you're feeling like now. I've felt almost a jealousy of others farther along in their recovery-I seem to take several steps forward then backward, then sideways. From what I keep hearing, this is a lifetime walk we are all taking, kind of like going along the Yellow Brick Road to OZ for the rest of our lives.
Throughout all of our times with the A's in our lives, we have been blamed, judged and criticized for so many things, it's only natural that we get on the defensive when we perceive that we are being judged. I work on that daily and have to keep telling myself to put thoue thoughts out of my head.
I've felt that way here, with some Al-Anon people, with "normies" whether at school or work or from my FOI, but it just came to me that it's been so ingrained in us to feel that way and part of our recovery is to accept and realize that while we all come from different backgrounds, parts of the world, family situations and are all at different points in recovery, we have each other to lean on, to vent, to "run something up the flagpole", to cry, to laugh, to encourage, to listen to, to call out.....we have a much greater gift in having each other to feel a little less alone at a time when many of us do feel so alone and helpless.
I think of these gifts-SR, Al-Anon, friends, family and how much they have helped me. I then look at my EX who shuns recovery, who still judges me on my path to recovery who lives in isolation, who does not have what I have - the gift of hope, of friendship, of love and it makes me forget my jealousy of others.