Oh, dear.
The good news is that you realize you are acting a bit, um, irrational here. It's almost like you are trying to force a showdown. I know it's tough dealing with uncertainty--you want to know whether this is all a waste of time. I get it, trust me.
BUT, you are driving both of you crazy right now. Maybe it's best to stick with NC for awhile longer and put the focus back on you. I don't remember, are you in Al-Anon? Maybe stepping up your meetings and working on the Steps would help. Give yourselves both some breathing room.
Hugs,