I agree that most of the time there is not judgement here and I know I just need to keep moving in a positive direction and not let someone else's issues or thoughts upset me like they did. One of the threads I never even posted and I have to say that those that did respond did a awesome job bringing the person back to reality. Pretty much told them what they had to say was not so kind. The other one I think I hit a nerve with the person, which I was not trying to do, really just trying to understand how I could (or why I felt I couldn't) apply one of the ways to cope with an A to my situation. Two people I don't know should not be able to upset me the way they did. I guess my feelings were a bit raw this morning.
For a very long time I really felt like MY AH wasn't so sick and that he couldn't just get better. I never once thought he would place the booze before his family, but yet the reality was/is he has been doing it for years. Now that I feel like I am starting to understand how I have under estimated what it is to be an A and the control it has over their lives (over my RAH life) it has felt like a big old kick in the gut. I just know I should make major changes now (started to actually) and it really hurts. I don't know that I can ever trust him again, ever love him with all my heart again, and I don't know if I can take living with even a RAH. That realization has made me pretty darn depressed.
Thanks again for all of your support. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have a place to come and discuss my feelings about all of this.