I know that, for me, things change when I reach my "enough" point, when I cannot live one more day with things the way they are.
You sound like you are close, maybe give thought to thinking of how you would live differently if you could change anything for you and your kids. Changing him isn't an option, but changing your perspective and your dreams for the future is a good start.
Al-Anon has helped many of us find our balance and then find the courage to change the things we can (ourselves).
Hugs