of course you wish to help. that's what you're all about.
think of it this way; your "helping" is really hurting. that's not just a statement designed to manipulate you, it is really true. so...if you can get your head around that, really get it, and see it for the truth that it is, then ask yourself why would you want to stick yourself into his business and try and "help" the old way?
could it be that Ego is involved?
what helped me was:
1. understanding that every time i got compliance, it wasn't the real deal anyway
2. understanding that every time my xabf "got" something (good), that was what sort
of stuck
3. believing that if there was a big paradigm shift, and a shift in the way we related
to one another, he would be too healthy to still be attracted to me. i didn't want
to be a mother figure, i wanted to be a lover, an equal. it was probably not ever
gonna happen.
4. realizing that i either respected him or i didn't.
if i had respect for the person that i believe he is capable of being, then my
"help" was showing incredible disrespect.