Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa 
It's your beliefs that are hurting you.
Even after continued actions that proved otherwise, I continued to believe that my AH was a husband, partner and friend. I believed that he was someone I could turn to when I needed protection. I believed all these things because that is what I believed a husband should be. I was not wrong to believe that is the role of a husband.
For me, it was all wrapped up in the acceptance and letting go part. I had a hard time accepting that I chose someone for the role of husband in my life who did not meet those expectations. I had a hard time letting go of the expectations of the role as opposed to the person. I kept believing he would somehow come to his senses and start fulfilling the role. I set myself up for hurt and disappointment over and over again.
I couldn't let go until I separated him from the role I had cast him in. After that, I stopped touching the hot stove.
L
Wow, this! I've done this over and over again until last month, when I realized I had not detached from the role of "wife" nor the expectation he would act as a "husband", even separated. I prayed and meditated over this for weeks. I finally put away all my "wedding stuff", including my rings. It was kind of a symbolic version of what LaTeeDa describes above; removing him from that role has allowed me to back off and stop expecting unrealistic actions from him. It has also allowed me to back way off physically and have little contact with him, which is also helpful!
If you have a smartphone, block the BIL's # from calling or texting you. Google call black and you can find apps for this - many for free.
And nurse your burned hand today...take this as a lesson learned that validates your position of needing to separate yourself from your AH (and his family) to save your sanity. Harassment is harassment...only you can end that. They won't, as long as they see it works. Negative attention is attention!
Hugs,
~T
P.S. They are JERKS!