:meditate
I'm sorry this has knocked the wind out of you.
You can let all that go, and I know you know that. I wish I had some words of wisdom that would help you reach that point because it is so freeing.
I eventually reached that point and it did not matter what my ah said, or what he told his family, or what any of them believed. I could walk past all that and breath a sigh of relief that I no longer had to consider it, defend it, or let it bother me.
I know I had trouble putting a space between where my ah ended and I began. I was shocked by that realization because we were not intimate in the emotional sense for such a long time, not truly emotionally connected ever probably due to each of our own issues. There was nearly complete detachment there and yet when I read more about boundaries - I realized more and more I had none. Without those boundaries, his beliefs somehow made it all true - and so I had to correct, defend, explain. So along with detachment I had to work hard at creating some boundaries (even after we were separated) so I could push that stuff out, lob it back over my wall, - and let it go.
I did not have to deal with anything like those text messages. His family didn't contact me at all.
You might be surprised at who has NOT been conned. Also - maybe it is time for you to make some new friends, that are all your own without any history or connection with your ah.