The 12 steps are a process. We didn't become addicts in one day, so easy does it.
step two reads "We CAME to believe..." We don't have to immediately believe, nor do we have to understand and swallow whole the entire meaning and depth of the step in one sitting. If it takes time, it takes time. By continuing to attend meetings with an open mind, by reading the literature, by communicating with other recovering addicts who use the 12 steps as a guide to recovery, and by doing all these things with an open mind, you may indeed COME to believe. You don't have to believe yet. That is you practicing honesty.
Thinking you know what the future is, and that you will never believe is a sign of unwillingness, and lack of that open mind you think you have. As others and the literature have explained HP does not equal "god".
I do not offer this post in a chastizing manner. Step 2 was my major stumbling block in my early days of clean recovery. I just KNEW I couldn't go there. And my last relapse occured when I abandoned my belief, took back my will and closed my mind again to the possibility of being restored to sanity. Basically when I shut down my practicing step 2 my program fell apart.
So I am back at it, which brought me to this particular section of the forum in the middle of the night. Thing is this time I KNOW it works, I am making sure I have a thorough understanding of the step this time, and making the time and effort to reconnect with my understanding of a HP.
I haven't used again, the obsession is lifting, humility is bubbling to the surface, sanity is creeping in, and when I start to panic something is nudging me and reminding me to look at things using the principles I've learned in NA and calming me down again.
Right now that "something" IS my willingness to return to the steps, and apply the principles. Nothing very mystical about that. What is important is that it works. Clearly doing that is a HP because when I do it, I am restored to sanity, and when I don't I find myself back in active addiction.
Will the sense of something mystical every creep in? I have no idea. I don't have to know. I don't have to project. I find applying "Just for Today" to be a real freedom right now. When I stop that, I start panicking. I don't know what tomorrow's concept of a HP will be, but today's is working and that is what matters, that it works.
Willingness will take you a long way.
My best to you, the fact that you posted here, shows a measure of willigness.