i guess my question is: if you have it all worked out, then why are you still posting or reading through threads?
the purpose of this forum is for people to find strength in their decisions, right? and it is AWESOME you finally feel empowered and have seen the light in your decisions.
i just think that maybe you came here and found strength by having people tell you over and over again whatever it is you had not known... but maybe, some people also find strength by just getting repeated validations of what is already logically known (yes, stabbing yourself hurts... yes, stabbing yourself hurts... etc).
personally, if/when i do write a complaint about an A behavior that is obvious... it's not nearly so much that i want to go back to him (even if it is written in that point of view from a hurt emotion)... it's more like, yes--reading everyone's responses reminds me that i am not alone... that this stuff IS alcoholic behavior... (yes, even in those behaviors that are clearly stamped "alcoholic behavior"--it is still nice to get validation)
if you remember, all of us came from a place that was VERY isolated--we all got to a place in our relationships where we weren't in reality and were living in the delusional world of alcoholism. we argued and argued with our As with all of the logic the world could offer and they'd still twist things around to fit their point of view (and yes, we all fell for it--otherwise, then none of us would have hung on and needed to seek SR). i think i find strength to keep re-affirming my decision to move forward when i get reminded that what i experienced is a tried and true set experience. it is like FINALLY i am getting validated that what i think is so messed up isn't something that i just think is messed up--other people think it too! FINALLY that validation i was fighting with my A for! My voice and opinion and feelings are being heard!
i get the STRENGTH realizing this burden wasn't just mine to carry. it wasn't some unnatural event that is personal only to me (if it were--no one would have the strength to carry that burden alone)