L,
That is why I said that expectations and boundaries are two very different things. Of course we have boundaries...there are things I will not accept in a relationship. I will not accept violence, lack of respect or unfaithfulness either. On the other hand I do not expect Ward to read my mind, know what my needs are, fulfill my dreams or be the perfect husband. I have a responsibility to express what is on my mind and what my needs are, to fulfill my own dreams and Lord knows I am not the perfect wife.
It is not that you expect to be treated well, hopefully you will not tolerate being treated badly.
As codependents our needs and expectations can become skewed. We expect to be the center of our spouses lives because they are the center or ours. We expect to be coddled and called and thought of constantly because that is what we do. Our expectations become unhealthy for us. We expect them to get sober and when they do we expect them to "go back to who they were". Normies can have (healthy) expectations I suppose, because their compass points north but ours points a little SSE.
Hugs,
JT