The what ifs are dangerous territory. I find myself wondering these and getting myself in a bad place. My AH is no where near choosing sobriety. I pray he does but even if he does it coud take him a few years to really recover enough to want to be a partner to any one. Then he may choose not to be my partner. If he chooses me it may take a long time to regain trust and respect. I think we could do it but I think it would take 100% commitment. Only time will tell. I try to imagine a timeline. I think it could be 10 years. Do I have that kind of time to invest in something that may never happen?
Another thing that helps me when making a difficult decision...rarely are decisions truly irreversible. Getting divorced does not mean that you could never be together again if and when the circumstances are right.
I often long for the happy ending too. I am almost envious of those who have recovered their loved ones, their marriages. But I know I have to make my own happy ending.