Thanks for you responses. I think I am looking for the easy way out and hoping to avoid making some tough decisions - like selling the house, moving ect. For a long time I had my head in the sand and now that I am out I want to go back and pretend I am not an adult with a responsibilty to my children. I have been a stay at mom for 13 years so the thought of being on my own is daunting. I agree that sustained change and following my gut is the way to go!
I try and think what I tell my own daughter if she came to me and asked if she should get back with her husband after 3 children, 2 rehab stints, 1 failed suicide attempt and a partridge in a pear tree - I would say run run away!