Yes what you are feeling is normal. You are torn between conflicting emotions of distrust,anger, love and the desire to be supportive and make things right. Coming here ie a good 1st step because everyone of us has gone through or is going through the same thing. You are not crazy and you are not alone.
Read the stickies at the top of the page and look into al-anon.
Another big thing here is the 3 c's.
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
you can't cure it.
We are here to help so visit often.
(((hugs)))