Hi startover
Yes it feels that way. It has been 2 years for me now, since I went NC with an EXABF.
But we keep moving forward.
XABF keeps drinking and being the selfish person he has always been.
I am feeling as healthy as ever, even when there are some bad days or bad weeks.
I am starting to love myself. And I am starting to give value to what I do have, and for the people that care about ME. And I like myself more. I look better too. And the people around me are very uplifting, actually SEE me, and make me laugh.
I also feel slightly more loved and slightly more centered. This is priceless.
The best is yet to come. The first days, weeks, months are the worst. IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER. I came here destroyed and crying for weeks. I can't recall the last time I cried now! ah yes, it was while watching "Water for Elephants"...
I resisted to look at me many years but now that I do its not that bad. Now after therapy I know where I am coming from and where I learned about toxic relationships. I also see my role. Only after taking responsibility of my 50% am I able to move forward....and decide for good, that is not the life I want...
Keep reading, keep posting, one foot infront of the other... remember what YOU enjoy.. what makes your heart sing... find out who startover is.. what she likes... what her favorite music is.. what her favorite food is... know yourself, treat yourself, take care of yourself, it will be the same planet but the world you walk will be entirely different! This has been true for me.
And it doesn't mean everything is happiness and goes smoothly but there is a "safe place within" I can tune in to, that I never had before. All those voids we have in our souls can be filled by.. ourselves, by Nature and its beauty, and by God (if you are a believer)