Personally, I'd never compare what I did with my kids to anyone else.
Because I didn't do so great myself.
I went off the OTHER way -
so six of one, half dozen of another.
After each of the sons
had had their fourth arrest
I just couldn't cope.
I put them in touch with counseling
and told them not to contact me until
they were clean and sober.
it would be eleven years
before we could reconcile.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Both my sons are successful
they are both living productive trauma free lives
but I will never say
it was because of anything that *I* did.
I KNOW I didn't do the prettiest thing.
But I *did* do what I truly believed was the *right* thing to do.
I will again suggest alanon,
SOME sort of in real life support for you
at this time.
It's going to take more than restrictions
or family talks
for this to cease being a problem.
Recovery is like alcoholism
in that it affects the entire community
that surrounds the alcoholic.
This is not normal teenage or college drinking.
I'm trying to say as gently as possible
that this is as serious a situation as you think it is
and that you would be wise to seek outside help
to get through it all.
Whether you seek it together
as a family
or as a mother and daughter
or as a father and daughter
as a husband and a wife
or as the parents of a child with problems
as yourself
whether it be therapy
a outpatient rehabilitation counseling thing
or alanon
a priest or rabbi
this is something that I truly think
you're both going to need as many hands and minds
as you can find
to get it back under a positive umbrella.
I do NOT want to sound harsh at all,
and I hope you don't feel attacked
that would be the worst thing that could happen
because all that accomplishes is people shut down
and start "wishcrafting" the situation away.
I feel for you I truly do.
But this is a well marked, heavily traveled road you're describing
and there are many of us here
who know exactly where it leads.
please, think about seeing someone to help you all out of where this is headed.