Gabe...
wallowing...
But... I want what I want when I want it.. ya know? ;o)
I am so willful.
And I push it until I cause myself much grief and those I'm focused on.
I wish I could nip it in the bud... but.. at this point.. it just isn't in my nature. I have to twist and turn in the miserable wind for a bit... till I decide to look at things a different way.
I've been trying really hard to pull my focus back onto myself.. and I had a really long talk with my mate last night.
And he was straight for it! ! !
I connected with him like I haven't for a long time.
He still refuses to play by my rules.. lol.. but.. if anyone laid that trip on me I'd tell them to you know what... ;o)
Bottom line... I gotta resolve this issue of why I won't concentrate on my own wants and needs and make them top priority... and I have to revamp my beliefs that its selfish to do this.
I was out riding... where I do my best thinking... and I was thinking about my Mom and Dad and what I watched my Mom allow to happen in her life. So.. I guess it shouldn't be any surprise that I have an altered baseline tolerance for abuse .. eh?
But I have to learn how to give up the control.. and that's pretty much what it is.. a control issue.