View Single Post
Old 05-30-2011, 09:30 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
kittykitty
Member
 
kittykitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
I wish I could scream to the world that checking on ex's facebook pages or keeping up with whatever they are doing after a break-up is the equivalent of putting your hand in a fryer at macdonalds. Ha, I've done both, and it really is the same thing.

No matter what you see/hear it will hurt. What you see will burn itself into your mind, and cause you sleepless nights, angst ridden days, emotional ups and downs, and more wasted time and energy of "why did he" and "how could he". It might seem to help at first, seeing someone for who they 'really are' might make you feel better, but eventually it feeds resentment, bitterness, hatred, and martyrdom. No one can be truly happy and healthy with these emotions in their life, even if the person they are aimed toward deserves every one of them.
The same way someone would say "don't coat your hand in hot oil", I am saying "don't, in any way shape or form, follow the life of someone you no longer want in yours". That road leads nowhere, I promise you.

You're aware that the relationship was toxic (and still IS toxic, if you are still involved in any way, emotionally or mentally). You've accepted YOUR addiction to it, so now is the time for action. Al anon helps a ton for alot of people, and Melody Beatty has some great books out there about codependancy, so does Robert Burns, and Scott Peck is another good writer. Finding a therapist that specializes in what you're dealing with is also a great step in the right direction.

Just the fact that you see a pattern is an awesome sign, that you are ready to face things head on and fix them. Sounds like you hit your bottom, so there's no where to go but up.
kittykitty is offline