Yes, I definitely still feel like this. I was talking to a friend about this-it seems like, normal rel'ships are much harder to let go of because tere's more closure. It's 2 adults who are facing reality letting each other go because of an incompatibility or loss of love, or something that is within THEIR control.
In this case, you have an extraneous factor-alcoholism-that comes wrapped in a big mess of implications. There's usually lying, projection, denial, abuse, and it gets very complicated. We can never really have closure when we leave. Often, we still LOVE the person but hate the disease and it becomes hard to accept that the 2 are intertwined.
I've been reading about love addiction.I think it fits me, personally.
Love Addicts Anonymous
I hope you find that link helpful. For me the only thing that gets me through is al-anon and working the steps with my sponsor. My ex is still unhealthy, and it tears me up. Maybe I still harbor some illusion that I could have done something/could still do something. I have to keep going back tot he 1st step that I am powerless.
Originally Posted by
nicam 
I still can't let go of this relationship emotionally. I haven't even been with XABF that long, and we don't have any children or mutual expenses, etc. We don't even live together anymore. No real ties.
So, that coupled with knowing how toxic and destructive this relationship was, and how I was abused and betrayed, etc., WHY ON EARTH do I still want to be with this person? Logically, I know I can't and won't be with him, and even HE won't at this point (he's demonized me and blamed me for all of his life's problems), so WHY can't I let go of this emotionally?
Never had trouble letting go of healthy romantic relationships in the past when it became clear that it wasn't working...
I believed my XABF had borderline personality disorder for a long time, but have read often that long-term addiction mimics the symptoms of BPD, so I didn't really know. Maybe I'm suffering a harder emotional fallout because of a personality disorder comorbid with addiction. Whatever this is, it seems stronger than me.
Did you guys feel like this? Like no matter what this person did to you you still couldn't leave? Are we addicted to the adrenaline from all of the chaos? Do we like the pain? Stockholm syndrome? I feel like such a sick masochist. I begged him not to leave me both times we broke up...
My life is totally out of control and I just can't break my addiction to this relationship.
