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Old 05-28-2011, 08:52 PM
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somberheart
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Jacksonville Florida
Posts: 48
How do you know?

My husband has been battling an opiate addiction for almost 2 years now. We've been together for our entire adult life, and this addiction has wedged itself between us, creating hate, turmoil, mistrust. I could go on and on about all the terrible things that have happened to me, and our children since my husband's addiction surfaced. But if I were to do that, I'd be here all night, typing page after page, and it would probably only cover a months worth of time. He's been to rehab twice now, and has relapsed each time. This time I said enough was enough, and kicked him out. He's been living with his mom and "staying clean."

My question is, how will you know when it time to let them back into your life and your kids life? Will we EVER be able to have a functioning relationship as a family or am I just holding my breath and waiting for the man I fell in love with to resurface? I want us to make it, I want us to grow old together, but I CAN'T do that with him using drugs. Am I just kidding myself?

Lately, I feel like every word he says to me is manipulating me, pulling me closer into his trap, so his addiction can feed off of me some more, drowning me in countless debts I cannot repay. I can't just turn off my love for him, but at the same time I can't let him continue to destroy me and my kids. I hate saying this is him, because its not. It his disease, its the opiates, they've re-wired him into a robot.

I am trying to understand the first step. Recognizing that I have no power over his addiction. I KNOW that I cannot control it, but how do I just turn it off, and try not to anymore? How do you just flip a switch like that?

So many unanswered questions. My head is full of these.
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