Those 4 a.m. phone calls
Man, I did not expect XABF to actually have the nerve to call me drunk and hysterical in the middle of the night (his usual routine) after everything. Why did I answer? Was half asleep and disoriented, force of habit I guess. He started ranting hysterically about how everyone in his life rejects and insults him... family, roommates, coworkers, friends (who are really just alkie pals), acquaintances, random women he chased who were frightened off by his condition. Blaming everyone and anyone, hatred and anger seething. Said he was going to kill himself or someone else if I didn't come help him. Asked me if I'd come visit him in prison.
Anyway, I just started cracking up after he Hung up on me in anger. It's like the denial on my end is really gone and I see him and the relationship for what it truly is now. Something shifted in my thinking. SR probably has a lot to do with that!
I have let go of the dream and accepted reality. Still have a long way to go, but for the first time in a year I am actually really looking forward to getting my life , health, happiness, and sense of humor back!
Reading all of your stories and posting here is so helpful. Thank you all so much!