I still can't let go of this relationship emotionally. I haven't even been with XABF that long, and we don't have any children or mutual expenses, etc. We don't even live together anymore. No real ties.
So, that coupled with knowing how toxic and destructive this relationship was, and how I was abused and betrayed, etc., WHY ON EARTH do I still want to be with this person? Logically, I know I can't and won't be with him, and even HE won't at this point (he's demonized me and blamed me for all of his life's problems), so WHY can't I let go of this emotionally?
Never had trouble letting go of healthy romantic relationships in the past when it became clear that it wasn't working...
I believed my XABF had borderline personality disorder for a long time, but have read often that long-term addiction mimics the symptoms of BPD, so I didn't really know. Maybe I'm suffering a harder emotional fallout because of a personality disorder comorbid with addiction. Whatever this is, it seems stronger than me.
Did you guys feel like this? Like no matter what this person did to you you still couldn't leave? Are we addicted to the adrenaline from all of the chaos? Do we like the pain? Stockholm syndrome? I feel like such a sick masochist. I begged him not to leave me both times we broke up...
My life is totally out of control and I just can't break my addiction to this relationship.
