Originally Posted by DetachedWife

I feel like I am losing it . Married to my AH for only 4 1/2 yrs ,He did not drink at all when we met or were married but started shortly after , which I later found out was a relapse.Had no clue what alcoholism was before him , except from a dictionary . Was made to feel like it was all my fault . Only recently have I accepted that it is not . Can not even count the many times I have been embarassed , mentally abused and cursed out . All the ruined occasions , vacations which I will not repeat as I have read many of the same stories. He was in detox 4 times last year , just lost his 6th job of the year. On Sunday we were up in the country and had to leave early to get back home to go to work Monday .Needless to say he was in no condition to go and when I attempted to tell him we have to go home he flipped on me . Even tried to call the cops that I was taking my own car . I just left , a friend drove me 3 hrs home to avoid a scene . I have not called him , was having such a peaceful week . Well he called just now and proceeded to tell me it was all my fault but I should forgive him . I just said that I have no forgiveness left for him and to please not call me anymore. Now I am all shaking and he keeps dialing me over and over again .But I will not pick. So now its the same feelings of despair just crushing me. I thought I had no more tears left . I am so angry , mostly at myself for even staying this long all in the hopes of getting the man I married back . He thinks he is too good to go to AA , I even went to try to understand this disease , but he is above that .