You, your boy, and your stbxAW are in my thoughts and prayers as you move forward. I've never read anything in any of your posts that would lead me to believe you would behave in a vindictive or over the top manner toward your AW. It sounds to me as though you are doing what you need to do to protect yourself and your son.
I know, from personal experience, how hard divorce can be. We are walking with you.