This is a hard topic for me. I have such a big hang-up with lying.... have always been very strict with my kids about it and treated as a very serious offense. Never knew my husband to lie to me BEFORE he started drinking, about 15 years into our marriage. I trusted him so much that he was able to hide his drinking problem from me for a couple years after it started. After 5 years of living with his problem, I know he is a very good liar.
When he's sober, he's a great man and I don't think he lies to me, but, I am unable to trust him. When he is drinking, he is amazingly clever with hiding it and lying. I struggle with not taking it personally. I'm just beginning to see it's part of his disease and that they will do anything to protect the alcohol use.
My AH will deny he is lying no matter what, until I am to the point of screaming at him to just shut up because I know he's lying. (I don't necessarily advise anyone do this; it's just where I usually end up eventually because it is SO offensive to me).
I think what I am relating here shows that I have a long way to go with "detaching".... I'll be honest and say a big part of me doesn't want to detach. I love him very much and I just want him to be well and for this nightmare to finally end.