Banishing and nicam - I am glad my post was helpful. I didn't add that I feel the same way - wished I had been able to take the rose colored glasses off sooner... but better now than never.
He's now 6 months sober and still having issues with name calling and blaming. But not to the extent it was when I lived with him, thank goodness.
Its nice to get my self respect back. Like Mike above, I don't see us living together again anytime soon...ugh the thought makes me cringe!