Originally Posted by
Tuffgirl 
Mine was far more subtle - nothing special - just another stupid conversation full of blame and projecting. Only this time I sat quietly, watching objectively, listening as he called me a passive-aggressive manipulator and a lair for the umpteenth time, and realized he has been talking about himself all this time. He's not describing me. Anyone else who knows me knows I am not those things. He's describing himself. He's throwing his baggage at me and expecting me to take it on so I can feel as bad inside as he does. And he was 40 days sober and attending AA. It was the realization that nothing is changing on his part, now its time to change it on my part. I deserve better than this; my daughters deserve better than this. Heck, the dogs deserve better than this. And I left that day. I don't miss those conversations.
This description is amazing. Thank you for sharing it. Its a perfect description of what I went thru about 6 months after I moved out. We had a family therapy appt for the kids and I was sitting there, watching him do what you described and I felt like the scales had fallen off of my eyes and ears. I could really see what he was doing. Mind-blowing. I wish with all my heart that I would have gone to therapy 3 years earlier when it started to get really bad. Maybe I could have seen what he was doing.