I'm so glad you're OK, Nicam. Yes, sometimes I feel like I'm the crazy one. Having said that, I'd agree with Bruingirl about the internalizing the abuse and taking on guilt.
This:
Originally Posted by
nicam 
This is why we do them more harm than good
doesn't need to be your focus anymore.
You can be your focus and how the relationship isn't good for
you - not how it's not good for him. DV services offer more support than just refuge/shelter. They can help locate counseling, they host support groups and classes. The call I made to the local DV shelter was one of the hardest calls I've made, but so worth it.
Big hugs, Nicam. Wishing you strength and peace, and the knowledge that you
deserve peace and are so much stronger than you know.