Apparently, I bide my time and 'confront' as gently as possible, stating the facts as I experienced them. Surprisingly enough, this had no effect at all on the truth my ABF experienced. And yet it took me years to learn to not rage and react! Sheesh. This interpersonal stuff is HARD.
The conversation actually went okay (we kind of agreed to hold on to our own versions), but as I was leaving, he said, 'If you don't trust me, you're going to be sad and lonely for the rest of your life!' Definitely baiting.
And because I'd thought about it, gone to a meeting, written here, and written out what trust means to me, I was able to fairly calmly come back with 'It's a two-way street. I trust people who are trustworthy.'
But wow, did I feel my blood pressure go up. I 'talked' at him in the car for about 5 minutes (you know, when the person isn't there, and you're just venting as you drive), but I decided my time was too valuable. I think I'll write some more about what trust looks like to me.
- Sylvie