I also wonder if the fact that I do not want to say I am powerless over alcohol. I readily admit the only power I seem to have is the decision not to start drinking (and I have enough trouble with that, as my history attests). I have never beaten alcohol by trying to control it (rules, conditions, limits, alcohol free days etc etc)
But how important is the higher power in recovery? It does feel different for me this time- and it seems underneath the usual emotional stuff, I do feel I have surrendered, the vulnerability is not denied- maybe I have a fuller acceptance this time of the gravity of my situation, and that there is only one way forward.
I, too, have had a difficult time with the thought of being powerless. I'm an "A" type personality and it sounds somewhat like a cop-out to me at times. However, I have no problem admitting that when I consume alcohol I am powerless. I have no idea what will happen because at some point, most times, I have no conscious recollection of what I do. I like to think that I have a choice regarding whether I will drink or not today. That choice is my free-will, which is given by my understanding of a higher power. As long as I am spiritually fit, trying to live life doing the next right thing, I have the ability to make the decision not to drink. Some people say that it's not then my choice, but is the decision of a higher power? That may be, but the semantics confuse the hell out of me, so I just ask that I be given the strength and guidance to abstain from alcohol. I can understand that much.
For this reason, it is very important for me to have an understanding of a higher power. Before, while drinking, I acted on the belief that I could control anything that I encountered - my behavior, my environment, situations, other people.... and when I failed I often drank. Today, I try to accept what comes and make the best of it. I don't accept everything as is, meaning that I still have a responsibility to attempt to better my life by doing the work that is required, but I am able to accept situations without drinking.
I do not have any concrete idea of what the higher power of the universe is. I often find myself having severe issues with blind faith. I can, however, reason that there has to be some supreme being or force that has put things into motion and continues to "guide the ship". As I play no more important role in life than anyone else, I do not believe that my higher power is actively interested in my every desire. I do, though, believe that s/he/it wants what is best for me and will grant me that much if I just stay out of the way.