Thread: Sad
View Single Post
Old 05-24-2011, 08:00 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
CXR
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by putmeontheair View Post
I think of him on our wedding day, so happy.

I think of him laughing.

I think of backgammon and getting the puppies and thinking about the future.

I remember love notes on the mirror.

I remember that man and I get so sad. I would do anything to have him back 100% of the time.

Instead I get him for an hour or two a week, if I am lucky. Otherwise I get isolation, snappiness, outright ignored.

I miss my husband so much. How did we end up here? Why won't he try harder in recovery? I want that man back.
You didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you certainly can't cure it. Your husband has a sickness. He is sick. Look at him and know that he is sick. There is no answer to how did you end up here other than it's the sickness -- his sickness! Why won't he try harder in recovery -- well, you can't want it more than he does. There is nothing you can do . . . except focus and work on yourself. Make sure you are happy and healthy independent of him, where he's at, what he's doing, and so on.

It hurts. I know. We all know. We all get it. I am sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make it go away. But there is nothing I can do. There is nothing you can do. Except -- do not enable him. Detach with love. Detach with compassion. Detach with knowing that it's the greatest love in the world that you can give him. Detaching is the greatest gift in the world that you can give him.

You would do anything? Of course you would. We all would. But we can't. There is nothing we can do . . . for them . . . but we can do for us.

I wish you all the peace and happiness you desire -- and if you focus on yourself -- you will find it.
CXR is offline