I think in addition to the realization that all those kinds of things are gone with my AH, what's very very sad for me is the fact that he doesn't even recognize it.
The last time I tried (maybe a month ago) to talk to him about the "distance" between us I said something like I felt we'd drifted so so far apart and I wanted to find a way back together and he looked at me like I had 3 heads and asked if I was insane, told me I was needy, neurotic and imagining things and needed to stop creating self fulfilling prophecies by saying things like that that MAKE him want to be distant.
That was a turning point (there've been many).
It still astounds me though that he and I suspect others in his shoes, don't see all that has been lost at all...
Realizing that made me let go of the hope that we'd get it back bc in order to get it back both people have to a) realize it's gone and b) want it back.