Originally Posted by
Alone22 
Not sure I can do it for much longer either. I have been giving a lot of thought about what makes sense for me. We have a tight budget without his addictions and with it we are plowing through savings. We have some other spending habits that need adjusting but they are minor in comparison. Before I looked at our finances this weekend I was in the mind set of give it a year, work on myself, put up more boundaries and then see how I feel. If I wait a year I am fearful of what will be left in our savings, which just puts me and the kids at more of a disadvantage for our future. The biggest difference between you and me WTBH is you work. I have been a stay at home mom for about 11 years now so I would have to make some major changes before I could move on. Going back to work would be a major overhaul to our family structure, but one that is needed if our marriage is in fact doomed. I feel like I need a few months to see where this attempt at recovery is going, see how I can control the finances, and I guess give it all one last attempt before making the change of me going back to work. I do feel like it might be the next right step to take. I would be doing it in preparation to separate and then divorce if all of that does not help AH find his bottom and really recover. The future just looks to bleak if I stay and nothing changes.
Alone- Not to minimize your worry at all about having been a SAHM for 11 yrs... BUT... I lost my job this winter. It's been eliminated from my school budget and I do not have a job as of June 30. I've been teaching for about 15 yrs and have a Master's which ought to be a good thing but in the world of unions and teacher salaries makes me highly undesirable bc all that a district sees is "we'd have to pay her high on the union mandated payscale". So, I have no job prospects at the moment (one offer in MA is contingent upon the state renewing the schools charter which I learned about 2 weeks ago so even my "sure thing" is not sure anymore) and on paper it looks like this is the worst possible time to leave/divorce/end things/do what I'm doing.
BUT, the alternative is to continue to live as I have been and worse yet, to have my daughters continue to grow up watching me and learning to live as I have.
So, I may have to move in with my mom, we may lose our house, I may have to go to a shelter with them. But regardless of what I have to do, I am doing it bc the misery of changing and whatever that will entail is better than continuing as I am.
I do have work experience in recent years which you don't, but honestly, I'm not really in a much better position than you... Can you contact your state's unemployment office? They have counselors who help with job searching and getting back into the world of work. How about contacting day cares and seeing if they need help? You've got tons of experience in that area.... How about your kids' schools? Be a substitute teacher... And remember, your H will have to pay child support and alimony likely...
I know how daunting it is to try and think about making monumental changes when you can't predict what the future will bring or how you'll make it work, but what got me over that hump was asking myself whether I could really see myself able to continue to live as I had been. I can't and don't want to and so, anything is better than what was... I've accepted that it's going to suck. I won't have a comfortable home, lots of things will be different, I may need to get assistance with food etc... But anything is better than the current situation and I'm continuing to look for a new job and hopeful that something will come up.