alone- you are describing my marriage to a t... my H said he wanted to be married, wanted to earn back trust, wanted a lot of things... but then doing what was necessary for any of what he wanted-- well, that piece of the puzzle isn't what he wanted... we've had the transparancy conversation too and the huffy attitude when i am bothered about the on going deceit... the micro managed conversation is one we had way too often too-- he's right, being micro managed sucks and it just makes you crazy-- but he's unwilling to be honest and as you said, wants the freedom to slip without having to be called on it so he wants you to turn a blind eye... so for you to NOT micro manage and to accept that he'll do what he'll do is quite a lot to consider being able to do and still remain married... i realized that i couldn't do that. the whole cyle is maddening and enough to drive anyone insane...