I've got to say that for all my FOO's "issues"... being with a handful of them yesterday was really really good for me.
One of my brothers had an affair a yr ago, left his wife and is still with the woman he cheated with. It has been a long time since I've wanted to hang out with him and had not yet met the "other woman". He was a part of the bunch I went out with in the afternoon and I saw the brother I remembered from years ago. It made me realize HOW miserable he'd been in his marriage and how different he'd been prior to leaving his wife. I in NO way condone how he went about leaving (and told him as much) but I told him yesterday that seeing him happy really was eye opening and showed me in a real life, face to face way that there IS life beyond miserable marriage. I'm certainly not looking for a new relationship but seeing my brother back to the person I knew showed me just how far removed he'd been from that person.... And during this conversation he said the same to me. He said that the past few times he's seen me (easter and this weekend) he's been surprised (pleasantly) by how much happier I seem and how great the girls are when it's just them and me... It made me cry to hear this bc I realized that it's not just me who has felt like I've turned into a different person over the past few yrs... Everyone has noticed it. And he is right--- I am infinitely happier being alone than when I am around AH.
So, even though the end of my week last week really sucked big time, it was a moment- a bad one at that- but a moment.... and the big picture is that things are getting better day by day and I'm enjoying life apart and so are my kids...