Closure.
Hi SR fam,
Finally some good news for me. Some of you may have read my previous couple threads regarding my current situation with xabf. To sum it up, we basically got into a huge fight (he was being violent), didn't talk, but didn't break up either. Then saw another girl flirting with him over his facebook while we were still together. This girl he had become friends with about two months ago and at first was fine, but then I started having doubts. He started not letting me see his phone, he would hide it when he was away; but the whole time he kept saying nothing was going on. Tried contacting him so many times since the big fight we had two weeks ago, just to be bashed and lashed at. No conversation of break up, no conversation of what was going on with this girl, no conversation of closure. Nothing at all---just anger and aggression and utter hatred seeping from his every pore.
Then finally, I friended this girl on facebook. A couple months ago I talked to her on his phone when she called him (about another man at that time) so I thought it wouldn't be completely weird. Anyway, we ended up messaging a little bit back and forth during which time she said to me that they were now "going out". I gave her my number to talk. She called me. I had just been bashing her the whole time because I kept thinking to myself "how can she do this?" "how can she hookup with somebody that is still in a relationship?". BUT this girl actually turned out to be SUCH a sweetheart herself...and I could just tell from her voice that she was being honest with me with what everything she was saying and there was no reason for her to lie either.
Turns out, xabf and her started completely platonic in the beginning like i thought, like he was telling me. Then HE made advances on her way before said fight had even happened. He told her that we had broken up and that "we (him and i) told people that we were together but werent really". She went along with it because she didn't know any better (she is MUCH MUCH younger and naive in an innocent way...xabf is her first "relationship"! and she didn't have any reason to question it because we all know how alcoholics are so sparkly and charming and apparently honest on the outside). He relapsed a weekend and hooked up with her, told her that he "really liked her" (While I was at home worried to death about his sorry ass no less). He fed me some bullsh** story for what happened that weekend but really he was just at her apartment the WHOLE TIME. After that, they had been unofficially together, he met all her friends, they had been hanging around and going on dates around town (i was long distance with xabf) , and then made it "official" one week after the big fight we had. UNFATHOMABLE PIECE OF SH**.
This poor girl though, I honestly believe everything she had said. I told her everything about xabf because she deserves to know. I told her it is COMPLETELY her right to make her own decisions about him. That i consider her to be my friend than enemy and to be able to contact me in confidence if she needs it. She asked if I thought it would be okay if they were maybe still together. To which I said it was up to her, but it was my opinion that if he gets the attention he seeks like this so quickly right now by acting out he is just delaying his recovery.
We decided to keep in touch about what she decides to do with him and if she says anything to him about our conversation (i told her that i was worried he was going to do something aggressive against me if he found out). She says that she understands everything im saying and can definitely see how im telling the truth. Somewhere she thinks that he might deserve her giving him a chance. Shes young and innocent, and this is her first "relationship" but i just pray and told her to remember to recognize the red flags if she sees them and not ignore them like i did. Ultimately though she needs to hit her own rock bottom with him and make her own mistakes like we all have.
I am just finally glad though to have C.L.O.S.U.R.E. from this all. The truth has been so liberating for me it really has. I've finally FOR SURE hit my rock bottom with the relationship but hit my own high! I will not be contacting the xabf ever again or even feeling sympathy. I have finally detached. I will contently and happily move on from this AL (L = loser hahahaha) Stay strong friends! <3