Budget and money spending has always been a touchy subject for AH (go figure). If I had a job I would get my own account, but right now it doesn't make much sense for us. As he likes to point out all the time he is the one and only one that makes the money. Our budget is super tight for a couple of reasons (AH was laid off a few years back and his new job does not make as much). We have been lucky to have a nice savings account, but that is rapidly going away, so we do not have credit card bills etc. His POV is that he is not worried about spending money because we have money in the bank. Not sure how he thinks we can continue to save for the kids college if we don't watch it.
We sat down and discussed the budget. He was surprised to see in black and white what he is spending every month. I think his habits were glaring back at him and hard for him to deny how bad it really is. We agreed to cut back in certain areas (like eating out) and he advised me that he stopped drinking 2 weeks ago (which I kinda knew based on smell) HOWEVER I pointed out that he took out $100 in cash just this past week. He had no clue what he spent it on, got pissed that I was mico managing him etc. (Quacking) All I said back was 1) I am simply pointing out that taking money out of an ATM is one thing he said he would cut back on 2) if he wants to build trust back into our relationship then he needs to tell me when he is ready to do that (which he clearly is not ready). During our talk we gently discussed his addiction and I explained to him that his bottom could be a divorce (if he ever hits one) which is what I am fearful will happen if our relationship does not improve. I told him I am giving it sometime, working on me before I make that decision but stability is what both I and our kids need. I honestly think that within the next few months I will know what I need to do. He has found recovery before so I know what it looks and feels like and I know when he is just going to AA and not working a program.
Being able to come here and express myself and think out what I need to do with all of your support is incredible. Thank you!
My plan is to work on me until the kid go back to school in the fall. If my relationship with AH is not moving in a positive direction then I will seek out f/t work. Last night I found two places for my girls to go before and after school. Within the next few months I will talk to my friend who as been trying to get me to come back to work (pretty sure she can help me get a job where she works). By this time next year I think I should be good to go (emotionally and financially) if that is where my life is taking me. I will be able to save most of my paycheck which will off set attorneys fees and moving expenses. I have even looked at what housing I think I will be able to afford. It all seems so crazy when I look around and see what a nice life we (could) have if AH only wanted better for himself and for his family. That is something I have no control over. I give those worries to my HP.