Hugs and prayers to you Bobby. I have read many of your threads and posts and I have not been married to an alcoholic (or anyone) so I can't share experience... although, I also ask myself where did the person I shared friendship and many good moments with, go?. I can go mad thinking about it. The only way to win is not to play. I agree alcoholism is horrible. We can´t hang around to see if they ever "come back". The toll is just too high and the chances sadly are too slim.
I admire your strength. You can still love him from a distance.
Where is Bobby? its about you now. I dreaded the idea of being single but you know what, it is wonderful, to do again all of what I have left because I was paying attention to my "partners" and THEIR lives and it was all about them. Now that it is about me I feel much better and realize life is stressful, painful as it is and I need people around me that SUPPORT me and make me feel loved. I deserve it.
You deserve peace and joy and happiness, around people that uplift you, not the ones that bring you down. If you are like me perhaps you feel drained now, but I promise you there will be much better times ahead. Better than you ever thought possible.
Do you have Melody Beatty´s literature? "the Grief club" is about many times of losses, and it was the soothing, wise voice I needed when going through a really bad breakup with an alcoholic.It has a chapter dedicated to grieving the loss of an alcoholic. Maybe it helps you too.