I hear you.
The woman I married was energetic, kind, wickedly smart and always a comfort to be with. We totally 'got' each other.
Every once in a while I see her. But after that third tumbler of wine she's angry, confrontational and mean. I never know what is going to set her off but inevitably something does. I don't feel emotionally safe around her.
We have the most wonderful connection when she's sober but I can't relate to her at all when she's drinking.