Try not to beat yourself up too much. So you didn't hang up - old habits are hard to break.
He's been beating on you verbally and emotionally. You
don't need to join in. This is something I did with XAH. I helped him destroy my self esteem. You know you deserve better intellectually. Rely on it. Your emotions will 'catch up' eventually! Abusive X's are good at laying on the blame, nice and thick and I know I was so very good at taking it all on when I didn't need to. No one deserves to be treated the way he has treated you - no one deserves to be abused.
No one.
Keep taking care of you and taking one step at a time. You are worth the struggle hon.
