This is triggering me because I've been down that rabbit hole so many times. We budgeted ten ways to Sunday. Budgets do not work because when an alcoholic wants money, they find money. It does not matter what they agreed to so reasonably. I hid cards, checkbooks, and cash. I left my purse at work. I had to stop giving the kids an allowance because he took it when they were at school. I couldn't send him to the store for groceries because he'd spend so much on alcohol.
Get your own money in your own account for family needs and make sure he does not have access to the account, checks, cards, or cash. I had my job and he had a part time job. He got that money and was suppose to be responsible for one bill with that (his school loan - which is the only thing that wouldn't tank my personal credit). He rarely paid it and what usually happened is that every so often we would 'try another budget'
and I'd get it caught up with tax returns or out of my check.
No it is not a good way to behave in a marriage. Yes it is controlling. Yes you are treating another adult like a child. It feels bad and wrong. It is exhausting. I don't know of any other way to financially survive while being married to an alcholic. Normal doesn't really apply.